Nourish & Empower

Choosing Confidence in a Thin-Obsessed World

• Jessica Coviello & Maggie Lefavor • Season 2 • Episode 37

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Your jeans fit yesterday, the “same size” won’t go past your shoulders today, and suddenly you are questioning everything. We are talking about the messy intersection of body image, clothing, and summertime pressure, and why it can feel so hard to stay present when your brain is nitpicking your body. Maggie and I keep this one conversational and real, including a quick trigger warning up front, because diet culture and eating disorder recovery topics deserve care.  We dig into a truth that does not get said enough: you can leave an argument with someone else, but you cannot step out of your body for ten minutes to cool off. That is why body image anxiety can swallow a whole day. We share coping skills for the “I hate this, I feel uncomfortable in my skin” moments, including how to mentally shelve the thought for later, how to ground quickly, and how to choose clothes that feel neutral so your outfit does not become the battleground. We also talk about shifting the question from “What size am I?” to “Do I feel like myself in this?”  Then we drop the bomb that explains so much shopping confusion: vanity sizing, also called size inflation. We break down how inconsistent sizing standards in the United States can be used to psychologically influence shoppers, why that can feel like warfare on your self esteem, and how comparison culture feeds the fear of confidence. We end with practical body image supports we actually use, like favorite colors, accessories, makeup as creativity, and choosing comfort even if it takes three outfit changes.  If you want more honest conversations about body image, mental health, nutrition, and diet culture, subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a rating and review so more people can find us.


Show notes:

Trigger warning: this show is not medical, nutrition, or mental health treatment and is not a replacement for meeting with a Registered Dietitian, Licensed Mental Health Provider, or any other medical provider. You can find resources for how to find a provider, as well as crisis resources, in the show notes. Listener discretion is advised.


Resource links:

Hilltop Behavioral Health: https://hilltopbehavioralhealth.com/ 

Alliance for Eating Disorders: https://www.allianceforeatingdisorders.com/ 

ANAD: https://anad.org/

NEDA: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

NAMI: https://nami.org/home

Action Alliance: https://theactionalliance.org/

NIH: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/


How to find a provider: 

https://map.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us

https://www.healthprofs.com/us/nutritionists-dietitians?tr=Hdr_Brand


Suicide & crisis awareness hotline: call 988 (available 24/7)


Eating Disorder hotline: call or text 800-931-2237 (Phone line is available Monday-Thursday 11 am-9 pm ET and Friday 11 am-5 pm ET; text line is available Monday-Thursday 3-6 pm ET and Friday 1-5 pm ET)


If you are experiencing a psychiatric or medical emergency, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.


Support the show

Welcome, Sponsor, And Warnings

SPEAKER_00

Join us as we redefine, reclaim, and restore the true meaning of health.

SPEAKER_01

Let's dive into the tough conversations about mental health, nutrition, eating disorders, diet culture, and body image. This is Nourish and Empower. This episode is brought to you by Hilltop Behavioral Health, specializing in eating disorder treatment. Hilltop offers integrated therapy and nutrition care in one compassionate setting.

SPEAKER_00

Visit www.hilltopbehavioralhealth.com because healing happens here.

SPEAKER_01

Hello everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of the Nourish and Empower Podcast. Today, Maggie and I are just sitting down, chit-chatting, and the topic is going to be on body image, clothing, and all that good stuff, especially with it being summertime. So, trigger warning for today, we are identifying the following triggers that we that will be discussed but are not limited to eating disorders, mental health, and body image. Listener discretion is advised. This show is not medical nutrition or mental health treatment and is not a replacement for meeting with a registered dietitian, a licensed mental health provider, or any other medical provider. You can find resources for how to find a provider as well as crisis resources in the show notes. Feel like that was the shortest introduction we've ever done.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, well, no with not having a bio to read. But you also, yeah, I do feel like you went through that trigger warning much more quickly

Anxiety, Grounding, And Being Human

SPEAKER_00

than I do. I feel like it takes me what feels like 30 minutes to say it, even though it's three sentences.

SPEAKER_01

I typically feel that way, but I feel like because I'm so for I don't know what it is that my body is feeling right now, but I think for whatever reason, I think I'm just talking like this, and everything is going so fast because I can't settle. We need some grounding. We do need grounding. I need like to shed my skin like a snake and throw it away and put a new one on. So any client ever feels that way, same. Yeah, relatable. Very much so. I always say to my clients, just because I'm a therapist doesn't mean that like I do everything right or like I don't feel the things that like people that come to see me feel. I'm an anxious mess.

SPEAKER_00

But she can also teach you the appropriate coping skills to reduce your anxiety.

SPEAKER_01

Facts, facts, I think that's what it is. I think it is me being anxious because now I feel like I could cry. So I think it's I think it's things that are happening that I'm just experiencing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Could be, yeah. But we always say like it's like a joke, but it's not a joke of like healthcare workers make the worst patients. And like, you know, you're so good at being a clinician that sometimes when we're in a when we are the patient, it can be really hard. 100%.

SPEAKER_01

Right. And like, listen, I get it because I'm definitely having the moment of like things are happening in the background, and so your life keeps going regardless of what life is throwing at you. And it is very easy to like focus on what's happening in the moment. So then you forget about the things that are making you emotional or the things that are like sitting heavy and weighing heavy on your mind until you have to sit with it, and now I'm like, oh that's why. Like a like it's it's easy to forget and ignore, and it's not easy to do the things when you have to sit and face it. So listen, everybody, I get it, even as a therapist, I get it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and it like brings up that point of like you never know what other people are going through when you interact with them day to day. And I feel like that can tie into body image too, because you never know how somebody might be feeling about their body or perceiving their body, and that might come across in terms of the way that they're interacting with you without with the interaction with you not being like the cause of those emotions, right? Somebody might be feeling really uncomfortable in their skin one day, and then they feel like they have kind of a shorter fuse, and that might come out in conversations, and that has nothing to do with the other person and might actually be circling back to their body 100%.

SPEAKER_01

Because we don't, I mean, I always say to people, if I could have one superpower, it would be to read minds. I would love it. And so, like, we don't have the ability to understand what someone is thinking and feeling in those moments. So it is true. Like, we don't know if someone is just like spacing out because they're tired, or if they're inside their heads, or if they're like you said, if someone's like snappy and short and snippy, like everyone has a reason for it. Whether we understand it, agree with it, or un or know it is something entirely different. But yeah, we it's uh we never you can't tell why someone is the way that they are, and that's why communication is so key. But but but especially when someone's in their head about their bodies, it really can just erase someone uh entirely from being so present because I think what people forget is that you're inside your body 24-7 and there is no escape, right? Like I could get in a fight with Matt at home, I can leave my house and half distance and come back to it, and I can like figure it out. If I'm uncomfortable in my skin, there is no escaping. There is not there is no let me take myself physically out of this and like take 10. Like you're in that all day, every day. And that's very hard.

When Body Discomfort Fills The Day

SPEAKER_00

So going off of that, because it's such a good point, but let's say from a therapist perspective, where, like you said, right? You might have an argument with a spouse or somebody, and you can create space, you can create distance and utilize that time to like process and then come back and like you know, resolve, right, resolve things. So when somebody is having what feels like an argument with their body tension, what is that what is the interim look like before the resolution? Because you're right, like you can't leave, you can't create that space, create that distance in a physical way. So, how do you think people can cope in order to resolve?

SPEAKER_01

That's a really good, great question. And I feel like I feel like there are a few things that you can do, right? I feel like you could say to yourself, like, is this a now thing or is this I can put this on the shelf and I can compartmentalize and we can talk about this later, right? Because just like I we I was saying, like you, and like you just said too, if you're in a fight with a spouse, you can put it on the shelf, so to speak, by leaving the environment and coming back to it later. Mentally, we can do that, where we can take something that we're dealing with and we can put it on the shelf. The reason and we do that with so many things in our lives, right? Again, going back to that spouse argument, just because you're changing environments does not mean that you automatically take away what's in your head, right? Because if we think about eating disorders, we're thinking about our bodies and food and things of that nature, no matter the environment, right? So changing environment doesn't instantaneously change the way that we're thinking. We are compartmentalizing even if we don't realize that's what we're doing. So if you're then saying to, so if you're out and you're like, oh my God, I feel so uncomfortable in my skin. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. Take five. If you have to go to the bathroom, go to the bathroom. It's like remind yourself, I want to be present, I want to be where I am right now. My body doesn't have to take me away for something. And whether it's a full-on conversation, or if it's a few mantras, or if you're not wearing any makeup, or if you are wearing makeup and you want to slash water on your face, do a tip skill, right? Change the temperature, whatever have you, do that to shock the system. Do that to remind yourself that you can be present and taking yourself out of it mentally allows you to stay physically in what's uncomfortable, but the thoughts aren't there, which can make a living a little easier.

SPEAKER_00

Does that make sense? Makes sense. Yeah, makes sense. Sorry, I was just, you know, I'm I take a little while. I was processing.

SPEAKER_01

No, that's fine because sometimes when I talk, I'm like, I think I know what I say, but you ever have that moment where you're like, what the F did I just say in a circle? Like, I feel like I just talked in a circle, so I needed I needed validation that what I say all the time.

SPEAKER_00

I feel that way. Yes. No, I understood what you said. I was just like going through it.

SPEAKER_01

So I feel like that's like that's something you can do. Or even if you're like having those thoughts beforehand, like before an event, or even if it's like I'm having those thoughts and then I want to go for a walk, or I'm having those thoughts, I want to go get a coffee. If you feel uncomfortable in your skin, put something on your skin that makes you feel neutral. Put something on your skin that makes you feel to whatever degree of comfortable that definition is, which I feel like is very similar to things that we've recently posted on our socials of like you can feel comfortable in your skin. Sizing is a whole bunch of BS. You can accessorize, you can choose different colors, like you can make what it is that you're feeling internally not dictate how you are externally. If you find out what allows you to feel mentally and emotionally neutral, even

Staying Present With Quick Coping Tools

SPEAKER_01

though you're uncomfortable in your skin, and that's like another way that you can do that too.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And I don't know what I don't know what sparked all this this body image like posting this week, but I just I don't know. I felt inspired. It was on my mind, and I just felt like I was like, it's one of those things where I think it's just so relatable across the board. And obviously summer can bring up more with it, but I just think like there's so much to it, like the sizing, or even you know, something that I posted today, which I feel like is really cool with what you're describing too, when you said, like, you know, wearing something you feel neutral in. As I was reflecting on this, of like, okay, like, you know, if we're not focusing on sizing, like, what can we focus on? And one of the things that I thought of was like, do I feel like myself in what I'm wearing? Do I feel like myself in these clothes? And I thought that's such like a cool, interesting way of looking at it, of being like, do I feel like me right now? And maybe that's something that can lead to neutrality.

SPEAKER_01

A hundred percent. And I think too, like, I think sometimes that question is even hard for people of do I feel like me? Because I think when we how do I say this? There are moments where I feel like people don't know who they are, and they try and find that identity in their style, in their body, and I think that's what also creates some of that disconnect. So, like, even more so, I love that you felt inspired to post that because uh having such a connection with yourself, like it is that you were explaining in the posts, is huge and such a beautiful thing to have, and a way for you to connect with yourself and be like, I know who I am, and like I don't need to have a very specific, like, there are so many different ways for you to know who you are, and knowing what makes you feel comfortable in your skin is part of that, and there isn't anything wrong with being that connected to yourself, there isn't anything wrong with having different types of styles or different sizes in styles. So I feel like two, it's if you're feeling like well, I I I want to feel comfortable in my skin, but I don't know who I am, I don't know what it is that I want to wear, what I feel comfortable in. I feel like one of the questions you have to ask yourself too is like, what's making you feel that disconnect? And is it really that you don't know who you are, or is it that you feel like who you are isn't accepted by society, so you don't feel like you can be.

Vanity Sizing And Shopping Confusion

SPEAKER_00

Ooh, interesting. Right? Yeah, this kind of relates to something. So I wanted to bring something up to you because when I was making all of these body image posts, I came across of this term that I had never heard of before. And I don't know if you have, but have you ever heard of vanity sizing?

SPEAKER_01

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, well, get ready because I feel like you're gonna react to it. But okay, so vanity sizing is basically that like because there is no like universal sizing standard in the United States that is enforced, each individual manufacturer creates their own sizing guidelines. Like we know that, right? It's why when you go from like store to store, you're like, this doesn't make any sense. Okay. But there's like another layer to it. So basically, what vanity sizing is it says it's also called size inflation, and it's the practice of deliberately labeling clothing with a smaller size than the garments, actual physical measurements in order to psychologically appeal to consumers to make them think that they are a smaller size than they are, so that that increases the likelihood that they will make a purchase.

SPEAKER_01

Isn't that wild? Maggie, I already told you I'm feeling off today, and you throw that at me. So you're telling me hold on. So you're telling me that manufacturers are intentionally making numerical sizes that are not actually the sizes they are to make people believe that they're smaller, to make them feel better about themselves when purchasing clothes.

SPEAKER_00

Exactly. So, like, yeah, so the example they gave is like if you go to like a vintage shop, for example, that you would likely be like, let's say, let's say that in a vintage shop, somebody is putting on a like size large, yeah. That same like physical dimension in a non-vintage store, I don't know what the right word would be, but like a like current store, that could be listed as a small, even though it like meets the exact same size, like actual physical measurements of the large. So basically, like no, we knew that labeling was was like ridiculous and had nothing behind it and was just that companies like do whatever they want to do, but there's also this piece of it where like they're intentionally making the closed sizes on the label appear to be smaller as a way to like falsely make people feel better about their body. So even this is why where it's like at one store somebody might be in one size and then a different size in another store and a different size in another store, or even at the same store, this can all happen. But it's like it's like psychological warfare against people's bodies. I mean, it's it's really wild when you think about it. That's actually sickening. Yeah, I did not know that. I knew the first part, right? I was like, okay, yeah, there's no standardization, makes sense, which is like most women we say fits into. I think the number is like a range of like eight to ten different sizes, like the same body can fit into, right? Because of all of this, excuse me, because the measurements differ so much between stores, but I had never heard of vanity sizing before and how like this is something that like presently is happening.

SPEAKER_01

What is the purpose of? I just spit everywhere. I just want to know what is the purpose of that? Like, I like what oh my god, I'm so angry. Like, what is the why is it so important for manufacturers for us to believe that we are smaller? Like, what is the why?

SPEAKER_00

Well, it's and I'd have to look into this more too, but I imagine there's economics behind it because one of the things I was researching basically said that like if a retailer, if a retailer makes you feel like you're a smaller size than you typically are in other stores, people are more likely to shop there regularly. So it's like if you're normally wearing you know a large in other stores and then you're wearing a medium in this store, like people are then going to purchase from that store more often because of the smaller size, even if the like actual physical measurements of like the medium at one store and the large to the other, they could be identical to each other.

SPEAKER_01

What is the point of this?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I mean, it's it is it's sick. That's so sickening.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Like, why do we want people to be so emotionally and mentally distressed? Like, can I know? Like, we all have this wellness culture, but like poo-poo to you and wellness, because if this is how I am psychologically, because this GD society wants me to be so insecure and helpless, I'm never actually going to be well, no matter how much I actually like try and take care of myself. I'm pissed. No, it's wild. That's just I I just don't like. Are we that intimidated? Are we that scared? Are we that I don't even know the word for people to be confident? Like, are we so scared of what a confident society would look like that we have to continue to minimize people emotionally, mentally, physically, like literally, in order to make this society thrive? Like, is that what we need to do? Everyone just needs to be like a a little small thing.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and I hadn't heard of this. So, what sparked all the body of and stuff was I myself was going through a bunch of clothes because I was making bags of clothes for friends, like stuff that I didn't want to keep anymore to see if anybody wanted it. And vice versa, I had a friend just give me a bin of clothes that she was getting rid of. So I was, you know, going through them and had this experience. And I was like doing a little fashion show, right? So my husband was like, I was like, Oh, what do we think of this? You know, that. And a couple of times I would like pull something out and I was like, oh, well, like that, this is not my size, right? Like, there is no way like this would fit. And sometimes some of those things actually fit or were even a little bit larger on me than I expected. And I was like, well, that's kind of weird because that doesn't typically happen. And then there was a couple of things that were a larger size than what I typically wear, and like couldn't get them over my shoulders, you know, or just like this isn't happening, right? Or like not coming up past the knee. I was like, these pants are not, we're not doing this. And so I had this really interesting feeling where I was just like, okay, I know that there's no standardization, but I was like, this feels really extreme. Like I left that experience, being like, wow, I really feel like I have no idea what size I am then. And then I was like starting to make posts and everything and starting to like look up some body image stuff and saw this vanity sizing, and I was like, whoa, I just literally had this happen where it was like there were certain items of clothing there that I just couldn't believe the size of, and then was like, oh, what brand is this? Because maybe this is a isn't a brand I normally shop at. So I was like, this is odd that this is the size, but I felt like I was like literally in this, then learned what it was and was like, wow, this is wild. How it can, you know, it happens and people don't even realize that this is happening.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, that's I just don't understand it. Like, I'm so confused. Like, why? Like, why does this have to be a thing? Yeah, and doesn't the US have a standard standard is standardized whatever? Doesn't who?

SPEAKER_00

Why like why doesn't the US have like I mean I don't know if other countries have more because I feel like sometimes you look at a label and it says like UK, you know, whatever. Um but I feel like at least my very limited understanding of men's clothes, because this is like primarily you know women's clothes, is like it it there is standardization, right? Like even the way like men shop for pants or a suit, right? And my husband will say numbers, right? He'll be like, oh, like the weight. Is this the shoulders are this? Where it's like, I feel like for women, we say address size or like a range of sizes, and like, yeah, in my mind, I'm like, okay, I'm sure that there's like you know, a waist measurement or bus measurement, like related to that, but I don't really like shop based off of those. Where I feel like men shop based off of like, this is my waist and this is my length, and here's my pants, they're uh, you know, 30, whatever by 30, whatever, like whatever those numbers are.

SPEAKER_01

No, that's so true. Because even I mean, I'm the worst shopper in the sense that like I never look at reviews, it's very rare that I will look at like the measurements of things. I'm like, this looks about right. Like, why not? Like, I'll I just guess, and if I have to like return, I'll return. But like it is true. I it they're never like nothing's ever the same. Nothing ever like it's not because I feel like even when there are things on like you know, my number one place to shop is Amazon, but like even when I'm like shopping on Amazon for things, like not all the clothes are gonna have the measurement pieces, but then I also feel like not all the measurement pieces are like the same. No, totally, but it's true, but then like if Matt's shopping, he's like, Oh,

Comparison Culture And The Fear Of Confidence

SPEAKER_01

this is my measurements, and it's like no matter where the heck he goes, it's all the same. Why?

SPEAKER_00

Mm-hmm. Yeah, and it's so icky too. This I feel like this just mirrors what we're seeing right now, which is that like you know, some of the like overemphasis on being in smaller bodies and this like ultra you know, skinny look that was back in like the early 2000s is like resurfacing. And again, and I haven't done all the research on this too, but it's like I have seen because I've seen people posting this on Instagram being like, oh my gosh, like you're in you know, some of these stores now, and it feels like it's like we're back in the early 2000s, where it's like the hollowest or clothes are like the you know, the same style that they were like back then. And I also am like, oh, I wonder too if that is all like being mirrored with this vanity sizing where you know it's like sort of this resurgence of that time, plus now, you know, all of the closing sizes are listed with smaller sizes, so it's just feeding into this whole you know, kind of skinny epidemic.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it's just so wild to my brain. I know.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I feel like I'm I'm sorry, I feel like I always set you up on here where I'm like, I'm gonna drop this major bomb. I'm gonna make you watch this emotional video. And I almost when I saw this, I almost reached out to you and was like, oh my god, look at this. And then I was like, No, the people want the genuine reaction. I gotta give the people what they want. I'm gonna wait till we record.

SPEAKER_01

Oh no, it's like emotional today. So okay, hit me. What are we doing?

SPEAKER_00

No, that was it. That was that that was the bomb. I was I don't have anything else planned. No, it was like a normal length of my sleeve. No, the bomb was I wanted to see. I figured you probably had never heard of this because I felt like if you had, we would have talked about it by now.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And I wanted to see what you thought of it.

SPEAKER_01

It's stupid. I'm stressed. No, it's like I yeah, no, I don't like it. I don't like it at all. It just doesn't like uh what like it just really makes me want like, are we just afraid of contentment or confidence or acceptance? Like I don't understand why everything has to be the way that it is.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01

Because it's it even makes me just think about like when we see people that are confident, right? Like I have these conversations with clients all the time. It's like the people clients are afraid to be confident because they're afraid to come off as cocky. And then when you see someone that's confident, it's like why does she all of a sudden think that she deserves to be confident? Why is she doing XYZ? Da-da-da-da-da. Or like, why is he so confident? What does he have to be like so secure about? And it's like at what point in life did we get to you have to hate yourself to a certain degree? That like you can't just be happy with who you are, that there always needs to be this sense of I'm not good enough to have this false sense of quote unquote being like grounded and humbled and like down to earth when in reality, like we're just keeping people down. And I don't understand why that happened. I don't understand when it happened, but like are we just like afraid of someone being like just okay with themselves? Like, I I don't, I don't, I don't understand. I'm gonna have an I've had an out of body multiple times today, and I might have another one.

SPEAKER_00

Well, I feel like that's the toxicity with comparison, yes, because this comes up all the time. I feel like when we talk about comparison, it's like okay, we compare to somebody else, we either feel worse or we falsely feel better because we feel worse because we think that that person is prettier, thinner, smarter, you know, whatever, you know, better than us, quote unquote, in some way. Or we falsely feel better about ourselves because we're tearing somebody down in the process. It's like there is not a there, there is no winning when like a comparative nature comes in because it's either I'm feeling worse about myself or I'm probably also gonna wind up feeling worse about myself, but I'm gonna feel a little bit better about myself to start and then feel guilty that I feel better about myself and now I feel worse. And like those are the options. And it sucks. Right. And like also like two things can just exist at the same time, right? Like you can get a good grade on a test, and the person next to you can also get a good grade on the test, and it doesn't mean that you're constantly in competition with each other, it's like both can get good grades on the test, that can be okay. But I feel like we've such a hard time challenging and separating comparisons when it comes to bodies where like we can't just let us exist.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it's so infuriating. Cause then too, right? It's like you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. If you compare, you're in a bad spot. If you don't compare and you just let live, why are you so content with things? Or like it's like there's never I just feel like they're like and it's not about winning or losing. So like I don't mean this language in that manner, but like it's like you you just can't win. Like you can't just have like there's someone's always going to question the way that you live your life. And when it's in a way that's uh making things like mentally healthy and stable, people are like, oh my god, why are you doing that? But then there's so many things in this life that people are like, Well, if you want to be mentally sound or if you want to be like relaxed and have decreased anxiety, do all these things. But I don't know, it just makes me, I feel like I'm on like so many different thoughts and rants today. But like I feel like that's just like wellness culture, right? It's like if you do one thing, it's like, well, why are you doing that? But then if I have like a 17-step skincare routine, some people are like, oh, you're doing great, but then other people are like, What are you doing? That's too much. Like, I feel like everything just has uh everything is always in question of why you're doing it through judgment. And I think we've just completely lost the ability to

Opinions, Boundaries, And Your Own Perspective

SPEAKER_01

see life. I don't know if any of that made sense.

SPEAKER_00

No, it made sense. I was thinking an example of that was like, so I went and got a facial on Sunday, and I feel like what the aesthetician recommended to me was like the complete opposite of what happened the last time I got a facial. And so when I went in, you know, when you go in to get a facial and they're like, Oh, like what do you do for skincare? Whatever. So the person the last time gave me a recommendation, I was like, Oh, that sounds great. So I started doing that. And then I came in this time and I told the lady what I was doing, and she was like, Oh no, you shouldn't do that, you should do this instead. And I was just like, I can't win with you people, right? Like I was like, forget it, right? Like, okay, everything I'm doing is wrong. But I think that's such a great example of all of this where it's just like everybody has a different perspective, everybody has different opinions, and you just have to figure out what works for you and what's going to make you feel comfortable and confident and fulfilled and happy and like quiet all the noise because body image is all about perspective. Like, I think like that's the major theme I've been thinking of this week. I'm like, body image is all about perspective, and like your own perspective is always gonna be different than somebody else's, and so you just have to focus on you, and everybody else needs to stay in their lane.

SPEAKER_01

Correct. Like one of my favorite quotes is beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And that means that you have control and you have a say, and you can have your own opinion on what you find is beautiful, and it doesn't matter what any other person thinks, it doesn't matter what their definition of beauty is. All that matters is if you feel beautiful and you find yourself beautiful and if you're happy, period. Like that's that's it. Like there it there is no and there is no or there is no semicolon, how what it period. That's it. And that's okay. But it is like, you know, and it's and listen, I understand the feeling of you feel great, you feel like you're looking your best, you feel confident, and all of a sudden someone says something to you and it completely deflates, and that sucks. And you can then say to yourself, because two things can exist at the same time, you can get upset that someone tried to that someone gave an opinion that was not welcomed, and you can say, That's their opinion. I feel beautiful, I feel confident, I feel okay, they don't like it. Cool, not their body, not their life, not their decision to make. Because everyone has an opinion.

SPEAKER_00

And like we started this all this episode totally out with, it's like you never know what somebody else is experiencing or going through, and their comment to you, as we've said five million times, but I'll say it five million times more like is more reflection of them and their own relationship with their body and their own insecurities and their own things that they are struggling with for working through. And it truly doesn't have anything to do with you.

SPEAKER_01

No, because like I've been saying this whole episode of like questioning, like, are we really that scared of people being confident? And honestly, the answer is yes, right? Because if you're walking out and you're confident and you're wearing an outfit that you feel like so good in, and other people are looking at you, trying to put you down and telling you why you shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't that's on them. They're intimidated and they feel uh what's the word I'm looking for? Maybe intimidated is the word I'm looking for, but I feel like it's not. But like you're making them feel inferior, so they have to make you quote unquote feel less than so they can feel better about themselves. Uh but let them feel less than. Because if you're gonna be, if you're going to if I'm so intimidating because I love myself, I would rather someone hate me because I love myself. I literally had someone who hated me in college because I was happy. I always say to clients all the time, because I'm like, do you know, like it's just like so funny to me. But I literally, there's a girl in college who hated me because she didn't understand how someone could be so happy all the time, and she thought it was obnoxious and annoying.

unknown

Right.

SPEAKER_00

So what are you gonna do? Be miserable to please this random person that you probably have never talked to now in the past 10 plus years?

SPEAKER_01

I was like, that sucks. I was like, okay, like what what do you want me to do? I'm not an innately sad person, I have a lot of emotions, I cry a lot, but I'm just but I'm a happy person. Like I and like if you go and try and change yourself, like I want us to really think about this. How many times a day would you be changing yourself if you tried to make each person in your life happy? Think about that. Because if one person wants me to be quieter, but another person loves how loud I am, but another person likes my hair blonde, but another person likes me when I'm a redhead, but another person likes it when I cook, but another person likes it when I go out to eat with them, but another person, how many times are you changing something about yourself to appease somebody else? And how and how at what point are you tired? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

No, such a good point.

SPEAKER_01

Right, like if because we always say, like, I and listen, I'm a people pleaser, I'm with you, honey. Like, I feel you, and you can't please everybody. Not I saw something today on Instagram that someone said it's okay if someone doesn't like you because you're okay not to like everybody too. And it's like we forget about that. And if someone's not gonna like you because of something that's beautiful about yourself, then let them.

SPEAKER_00

My husband and I say that all the time. We're like, we're not everybody's cup of tea, but you're my cup of tea and I'm your cup of tea. It's like we don't need to be everybody's cup of tea. I don't want everybody to like me.

SPEAKER_01

No, like I mean, would I like everyone to like me yet?

SPEAKER_00

See, I don't have that, which is interesting. We can we can cycle analyze that another time, but I don't have that same feeling. I know that people do, people pleasing like mentality, but I don't have that feeling, which is interesting. About me, no, no, about like when you said I want I want everybody to like me. I'm like, I don't feel that way.

SPEAKER_01

Oh no, see, I wish Maggie, give me a dose of that. Like, let me let me take it because I a hundred percent. Yeah, I'm like, okay, that's fine. Yeah, but see, that's an air of confidence, Mags, that like I give you a standing oh for that girlfriend, because it's not everybody feels that, right? And even me, and I know, like, I'm a very and listen, if we're talking about personalities and being a cup of tea, I know I am not everybody's cup of tea. I'm a lot to handle, I'm very well aware. But like, even with being confident and like comfortable with who I am and knowing the type of individual I am, there's still a part of me that's like, okay, but why don't you like me? Like, I'm curious. I'm gonna take I'm not gonna change it, but like why don't you feedback? Like, I'm here, you can take your survey at the end of this call, please. Thank you. Like five for satisfaction. I that's all I'm asking for. Thank you so much. Uh like I get it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, no, you're my cup of tea, so that's all that matters.

SPEAKER_01

You know how we do the um for my for our listeners. I'm so sorry you won't be able to see this, but one of my one of my clients taught me how to do the Gen Z heart. Oh, I don't I can't, I think I so ready piece of okay, turn them. Okay, oh you're already turned.

SPEAKER_00

I I automatically put the deuces up, okay.

SPEAKER_01

Put them together like it's a diamond. I'm a straight up millennial. Okay. Now curl in your pointers.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, oh, that's kind of cute.

SPEAKER_01

No, no, no. The way the millennials do it is so much better. Sorry, I will always stand ten toes behind the way that we put a heart up with our hands, but I said the exact same thing. It's so funny you said that because my client taught me how to do it, and I was like, wait, my hand has a cramp.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that hurt. I didn't like that. The arthritis in our fingers can't handle that. We started the generation of carpal tunnels. Yeah, we used to write cursive all summer long, at least in my house.

SPEAKER_01

So

Practical Body Image Rituals That Help

SPEAKER_01

oh my god.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, let me ask you one last thing for today. Because I shared in one of the reels some of the things that I do that I find help my body image, right? So I like fun accessories like earrings, I paint my nails every week, which everybody knows. And what was the other thing? Oh, the colors. I like, I I did like a you know, a chat GPT color analysis, and I I live and die by it. Oh, I can do yours. Can you do mine? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can do it for you. Yeah, I know how to do it.

SPEAKER_01

Like, I don't really give a heck, except I did notice one pink that I have that absolutely blunts with my skin tone. And I'm like, wow, that's that's not the best combo I've ever done in my life. But I want to know what my colors are.

SPEAKER_00

I'll I'll do it for you and we'll report back. I have a guess of what you are, but I feel like I'm gonna be wrong. Okay, but I'll do it. My guess is that you probably are more of a cool summer, but I feel like you're gonna surprise me and it's gonna be an autumn. You're gonna be like a warm autumn, and I'm gonna be thrown off by it. Again, this might change your life. This might change your budget too, because you might have to throw out all your clothes. No, I'm kidding.

SPEAKER_01

And be with a good time. Shopping.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, but anyway, so your what would you say are your like kind of go-to body image things we can leave people with?

SPEAKER_01

It's a great question. I would probably say that my number one thing is that I will always choose something that feels best on my body. I don't care how many times I have to rechange my outfit. I and I know feelings are not facts. I say that to clients all the time. And how I feel in that moment is going to be so, it's going to be a real sensation that I want to make sure that that sensation feels grounding enough to where, like, even if I have like an alphan in my mind that I'm like, oh my God, this is gonna be great. And then I put it on and I'm like, I don't know what the hell I was envisioning in my brain. Like, yes, I will be upset if it doesn't work out, but I will always pick something that feels comfortable. I have to, I'll freak out. Another thing I'll do is so I'm a curvy girly, okay? And I love my curves. I love them, love them, love them. Always have, always will. And I love anything that is tight on the caboosey. So I knew you were gonna say that. So I don't care what kind of body image day I'm having, if my butt looks fine, I am feeling myself and I'm walking out of the house feeling great. Okay, I absolutely love Matush. And so if something is accentuated, I'm gonna feel like a 10. You might think I look like a four, I'm gonna feel like a 10. Okay. So that those two things, and they're very body focused, right? And I understand that those are just things that make me feel good. If I know that I have a body part that I love, I'm wearing something that's gonna make that part of me feel amazing, and we're gonna go with it. Um, I will always wear my favorite colors because I'm with you there. Like if there's a green, if there's a yellow, I do love to wear red a lot. Like, I will do that too. Or if there's just like an idea, I and it's just like I feel like I'm gonna feel good in it, I'm gonna put it on. And I don't care. You know what I love to do? What I'm putting a full face of makeup on because when I sit down and I'm playing and I put my favorite music on, and I like even during COVID, this is something that I did, and like, where were we going? Don't where were we going during COVID? Literally nowhere. But like Matt can even attest to it. I would throw on a Spotify playlist and I would just sing and put music on. And if we like walked around, if I walked around the house, or like if we were able eventually to like go out, if I had a full face makeup on, I felt great. Because to me, it's like my art, if you want to be, if you want to call it that, like it's just something that I love to do, and it's not because I feel like I can't go out with makeup on. This girl goes to the bar without makeup on, so let's not try and troll me like that. Thank you so much, people. I am very confident without makeup, but there's something about putting it on that just changes the world. I think that's it. Love it. You nailed it and a pair of hoop earrings. And if my nails are done, if I have a nice set on my nails, like some lemons right now. Oh my god, your husband would freak out because my mom keeps cracking up because I keep talking like this for some reason. I just can't get it out of my hand. And I that's how we feel when I have a new set on. Like I have a full, I've gone further.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, he would be triggered by that accent for sure. He's so glad that mine's gone.

SPEAKER_01

Every time it happens, I think of I think of Nick, and my mom thinks it's the funniest thing ever, and she like keeps egging it on. And of course, I feed into it, and I'm like, oh Gretsch.

SPEAKER_00

That's amazing. Also, Gretchen, get on the pot. I know we gotta get her off. She will cry the whole time.

SPEAKER_01

That's where I get it from. My Pisces. You know, it's gonna be so much for people to handle. But my mother is a Pisces, there's a lot of emotions in that body. So they would just be a lot for everybody, but I think it'd be enjoyable.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my gosh, you guys are the best. So funny. She's such a gem.

Listener Prompts And Closing

SPEAKER_00

All right. Well, thank you, everybody listening. And please let us know if you have questions, thoughts. We totally want to hear it. And as always, we will catch you here next week. Yes, we will.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, and like drop in what you do when you're having body image days, whether positive or negative. What do you do? We're curious. So definitely let us know. And we'll catch you next week. Bye. Bye. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Nourish and Empower Podcast.

SPEAKER_00

We hope this episode helped you redefine, reclaim, and restore what health means to you.

SPEAKER_01

If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe, leave a rating, and comment and share with anyone else you may feel will benefit.