Nourish & Empower

How To Support Our Loved Ones With Communication and Connection This Holiday Season

• Jessica Coviello & Maggie Lefavor • Season 2 • Episode 5

Share episode

Holidays can be loud—full of love, expectations, and a whole lot of food talk. We pulled the curtain back on what real support looks like when someone you care about is navigating an eating disorder, body image struggles, or heightened anxiety around meals. Together, we unpack how families become part of the treatment team, why the person struggling gets to be the expert on what helps, and how to replace well-meaning but unhelpful habits with language and actions that actually soothe.

We get practical. You’ll hear why appearance-based compliments often backfire and what to say instead to build safety and connection. We share a simple toolkit for emotionally intense moments: a lighthearted code word to signal “I’m full” and need space, agreed timeouts, and clear check-in plans that can be scheduled, requested, or paused. On the food front, we talk about modeling a calmer plate, skipping diet culture comments, and supporting unconditional permission to eat—even when others pass on dessert. When hesitation shows up, supporters learn how to be present without pressure, and clients learn how to borrow permission until their own intuition strengthens.

Underneath the tips is a bigger theme: connection over perfection. Tiny gestures—a smile across the table, sitting together during a tough course, changing the subject when talk turns toxic—can steady someone more than any clever line. We close with a call to reflect after the day: spot small wins, name what didn’t work, and adjust the plan. That loop of plan, practice, and review turns one hard holiday into a map for gentler ones ahead. Subscribe for more grounded conversations on mental health, nutrition, and recovery, and share this episode with the support person who will be by your side this season.

Show notes:

Trigger warning: this show is not medical, nutrition, or mental health treatment and is not a replacement for meeting with a Registered Dietitian, Licensed Mental Health Provider, or any other medical provider. You can find resources for how to find a provider, as well as crisis resources, in the show notes. Listener discretion is advised.


Resource links:

ANAD: https://anad.org/

NEDA: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

NAMI: https://nami.org/home

Action Alliance: https://theactionalliance.org/

NIH: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/


How to find a provider: 

https://map.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us

https://www.healthprofs.com/us/nutritionists-dietitians?tr=Hdr_Brand


Suicide & crisis awareness hotline: call 988 (available 24/7)


Eating Disorder hotline: call or text 800-931-2237 (Phone line is available Monday-Thursday 11 am-9 pm ET and Friday 11 am-5 pm ET; text line is available Monday-Thursday 3-6 pm ET and Friday 1-5 pm ET)


If you are experiencing a psychiatric or medical emergency, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.


Support the show

SPEAKER_00:

Join us as we redefine, reclaim, and restore the true meaning of health.

SPEAKER_01:

Let's dive into the tough conversations about mental health, nutrition, eating disorders, diet culture, and body image. This is Nourish and Empower. This episode is brought to you by Hilltop Behavioral Health.

SPEAKER_00:

Specializing in eating disorder treatment, Hilltop offers integrated therapy and nutrition care in one compassionate setting.

SPEAKER_01:

Their expert team works with you to achieve recovery and avoid the need for a higher level of care.

SPEAKER_00:

Visit www.hilltopbehavioral health.com because healing happens here.

SPEAKER_01:

Hey guys, it's Jess and Maggie here with episode five. And as always, to start our trigger warning, we will be discussing nutrition, body image, and mental health. Listener discretion is advised. This show is not medical nutrition or mental health treatment and is not a replacement for meeting with a registered dietitian, licensed mental health provider, or any other medical provider. You can find resources for how to find a provider as well as a crisis resources in the show notes. And today we will be discussing how to support your loved ones during the holiday season, which I'm very excited about. Which I'm always excited. So that's like really a diluted statement at this point in the game. However, I am excited.

SPEAKER_00:

What makes you excited about this topic?

SPEAKER_01:

I just one, I love having conversations with you. So really, it's just I love getting together. And even though it's not mic to mic, it's more so of laptop to mic. I just love doing this. But I think it's also, you know, doing all of the Thanksgiving pieces and really you and I have done so many different things throughout the years just as providers. And now with the podcast last year to this year, I feel like you and I are just constantly evolving and growing into how we can continue to show support to our people and for you know people all over the world. And I know that sounds really dramatic, but I swear if you look at our statistics, we do have people listening from across the seas. I swear we are not lying about it. However, I digress. So it is just exciting to see how much that we are able to do because we're just so passionate about this. So just continuing to do the work of showing how you can support your loved one and giving the education and giving the support in all the different ways is really just what I love. And I love holidays. Like they're just I love family stuff. So being able to do this, like the work that we do, plus it being about family, just always warms myself.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, no, I agree with that. And I think too, I really like working with families and with support people too. Because I think there's like an education piece, but there is also this really great piece where you're able to see, if needed, like change happen in the household, in the family unit. And I also think it's so validating for the person who is struggling to see this like team around them. And I know we even talk about that when you know, when we're working together, like it's a team that you know we're building, right? And everybody has a different role. And I think it's so important for that individual to also see like, yes, there's my therapist, there's my dietitian, there's my doctor, like there, they all have those different roles. And also, like, here's my family, here's my parents, here's my guardian, support people, whoever it is, and like this is the role that they get to play too.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And having those clear roles, I think, really help not just the individual, but kind of like the entire like treatment team all working together too.

SPEAKER_01:

100%. Cause I think to your point, people might not recognize that the treatment team includes the but family or friends, right? It's not just providers that I is identified as the treatment team, it's everybody because everybody is supporting the treatment. So I do like being able to, like you're saying, like to provide the education, to have those conversations and to show everybody that there's there is a way to support your person that's struggling. Because I know sometimes, you know, parents will be like, okay, well, like, how do I do it? Like, what do they need? Like, I'm the expert. And it's so funny because in those moments, I always make the client the expert. Because to me, for me, I might be someone who's like, give me a hug, tell me you love me, give me a compliment, all of the things. And another client might be like, Don't you dare effing touch me. Like, go away. I don't want anything to do with this. So that's also one of the reasons why I love it, because it's a it's a space for the client to feel empowered and to feel in control, where they might not typically feel or get a moment to do that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I do the exact same thing when I'm asked like a how-to question. I always say, I will answer. I'm not trying to get out of answering, but I want the client to answer first because they're really the expert here. And then I'm happy to supplement in any information or talk about, like, in my experience working with people, this is what's been helpful, you know, for XYZ reason. So I agree. I think, you know, having the client really identify like what's helpful, what's not helpful. I will say more often too, I think the conversation starts with, hey, this is what's not helpful, which sometimes can be a little tricky, but I always validate of how important that is. Like it's important for us to know what doesn't work for us in order to figure out what does work for us. So I always try to reframe and spin that too. You know, some of that information is sometimes hard to hear. And it's not like we're we're not trying to put blame onto anybody, it's more of like an open conversation of, hey, this wasn't this wasn't so helpful, or hey, you said this, but this is what I took away from it, or this is what I heard. Yeah. And that may be really different than the intent. And once we know what's not helpful, that then can point us into the direction of what is actually helpful and how can we make this feel so supportive.

SPEAKER_01:

See, I love when you open your mouth, Maggie, because it just always spews so much goodness. And reason I say that is because every, just like you said in response to what I just said, he said, she said, you literally provide therapy to your clients. And I know you say because you're very good with boundaries, I know you always say that's not my scope, right? However, everything that you just said is what I say as a therapist, right? And so I think like one of the misconceptions about like a new a dietitian is that it's just talking about food and meal planning and you know, components and things like that, but there's such an emotional, nourishing therapeutic side to things, hence why nutrition counseling is a thing. And I feel like people really overlook it. And I think you just described in such like a very easy peasy way of why the importance of having a dietitian is so crucial, especially during the holidays, because you're having those same conversations. You are just extra phenomenal about it because you have the food piece and the science background where I just have feelings. So I feel like you almost in those moments can double whammy it.

SPEAKER_00:

And vice versa, because I think I think you coming into it from the feelings piece is such an important role. And I was described to you like the Venn diagram that exists here of like we have nutrition, we have therapy, and then we have the middle here. Yeah. And the middle is much bigger than people think because there's so many topics like this one that go under both disciplines, and we just approach it with a little bit of a a different way of looking at it, but right with like kind of the same outcome and the same goal. Yeah. And so I am curious to ask you. So let's say a support person does ask you, you know, hey, how do I support my loved one during the holidays? And again, I know we first go to the client, we'll ask them first, but now it's your turn. So I'm curious for you as the therapist, what are some of the like tips that you give? What are some of the things that you recommend?

SPEAKER_01:

So, like you said, if the client is in the room, I quite literally, and I will describe my emotion for people that are listening, I will just point to the client. I'll be like, what helps you? What doesn't help you? Because I want, I very much make them uncomfortable and put them in the hot seat, which I love doing, which they hate doing. So it's a really interesting dynamic in that moment. But I just really like to explain to the parents why things don't work and how things could work. Because a lot of times parents they might not understand how even if you have a good intention, the action can still be harmful. And so, with that, if they're like, oh, well, if I say to them, like, you look great today, love that outfit on you. Great intention that you want them to feel like they look great, might not be the best outcome because you've now just put emphasis on their body when maybe they were trying to be so like neutral and not body focused, and now you just put them in a spotlight. So I will definitely always start with what it is that the client identifies as helpful or not helpful. And then I like to go into the explanation and definition as to what it is that like the reason behind it all, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. No, I definitely think it makes sense. So let's say that example, right? Like what would be the explanation and the reason behind it?

SPEAKER_01:

Of like you're talking about somebody's outfit. Yes. So if my explanation would be that we are trying to be out of our head about our bodies, and we are trying to be present externally. And if there is then an emphasis on our bodies, we then go back to the internal and then we live inside of our bodies in a negative way instead of allowing ourselves to live in our bodies and be externally present. Like there's a very big difference of living internally versus living externally. And I will then just explain to the parents that when anything is pointed out about somebody where there's an insecurity, whether it's your body, whether it's your hair color, the way that you did your hair, someone tells me they hate my green lipstick on Christmas, whatever it is, you're going to then feel a certain type of way. You're going to be internal. You're human. So I just like to remind parents that we want them to be as focused on the day because of who they're with. Be focused on the day about what the meaning of the day is. Be focused on the day about what they're feeling, about being present, about how to just be involved in a way that they weren't before. That any emphasis on the body, even if it's a compliment, could easily be like, okay, but why are they telling me this? Do they actually think that I look good, or do they want me to think that I look good so that I'm not inside of my own head? But now I'm inside my own head. So now what do I do? And then it spirals. So I would give them like those examples.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. Love all of that. But can I play devil's advocate? Go ahead. Okay, because I feel like as I was thinking of that, and I think the explanation is so helpful. I could also see, because I've experienced this before, so I'm sure you've had, then that person coming back and saying, So can I never give them a compliment about their appearance ever?

SPEAKER_01:

Absolutely not. The goal is to be able to receive a compliment when we are able to hear it. And if we are not hearing the compliment, we are just you know that saying, I don't know which way it actually goes. However, it's comparing like, are you listening or do you hear me? Or do you hear me or are you listening? I forget which one is the one that we want, to be honest. But if someone is just listening to the word, they're having selective, or if they're hearing what you're saying, they're just having that selective hearing. They're not actually listening to the meaning and the content of it. And so sometimes our clients might hear us, but they're not actually listening to the body of what it is that we're trying to say. So if a client just hears the words, how many times can I say here in a sentence? So if a client hears it, it's going to put them internal if they're not ready to understand it. So it's not to say we can never do it again. Cause then also as a provider, uh, we're not doing recovery, we're not helping them get to the point to where they feel solid without having this constant berating in their mind. So that's absolutely the goal. But just on really, really tough days, let that goal take the back burner, put it back on the shelf, let's admire it. But that's not what we're gonna focus on today.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. No, I I hear you. And I think it's, you know, to put yourself in like the support person's shoes, it's it's tricky because we are so it's almost ingrained in us to immediately greet somebody with a comment about their appearance, even if it is, like you said, great intention. So there is almost that like you have to kind of swallow your words for a second and think about it and say, like, okay, you know, what do I want to say in this moment? And there's so many ways to show somebody care or excitement to see them or love without it having to be appearance focused by like literally saying those things, right? I'm so excited to see you, or I'm, you know, really happy we get to spend this holiday together, like something like that. But I do also recognize that we're in such an appearance-focused society that you know, oftentimes those words almost come out without people really meaning them to or intending to. So it's almost like a skill to practice for a support person, too, of okay, what are some of the things that I can say that have more neutrality to them? And just like we talked about for a client practicing how to set boundaries and what that's going to look like, for a support person, practicing, hey, how does this sound, you know, for me to say this, or writing a few things down, or you know, asking about it in a session, just to feel like there is also that practicing element too. So it does roll off the tongue a little bit more easily.

SPEAKER_01:

100%. Because this is where recovery really is about both halves, right? It's about the support person and it's about the client. And obviously, like in therapy, there's this phrase called the identified patient. And they are the individual that is going through the mental health process. However, the whole support, the whole family, all of the people surrounding you are also in some way, shape, or form going through recovery with you. And sometimes people do forget that, right? Like if I'm having a bad day and I'm taking it out on people, they're dealing with my mental health as much as I'm dealing with my mental health. So, you know, it's also such a great learning opportunity. Like everybody is growing in that moment. So, just like you're saying, it gives everybody that opportunity to think about a different way to communicate, to connect, to be present. So it's not just the client that's learning and growing, it's also the support person.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm wondering too, going off of that, because I have to imagine communication is probably one of the main themes that you see come up in working with families. And so, what are some of the ways that you feel like you've seen communication improve for a family or you know, for the identified patient and a support?

SPEAKER_01:

You this is such a hard question. Because communication, especially when you're so emotionally full, is not easy. So one thing that I will always suggest to families is like, what is a code word you can have to identify I'm overly full emotionally, or like I'm just not having it. So instead of me about to berate you, I'm gonna just say my word with attitude if necessary, or like if that's just how it comes out, just so everybody then understands, I need a TV timeout. Please don't come to me. And I always suggest for it to be like a funny word, because if you're sitting there just being like blueberry crumble, and then you walk away, no one's actually gonna get mad at you for screaming blueberry crumble. Some people might give you a weird look, like, why did she just say that? What is what is he doing? Why is this happening? But it's not going to feel as attacking as can you please leave me alone and stop. Like it's very, it's a very different sentiment and it's a very for a very different outcome. So I think when people are communicating, it's so crucial to have a set of tools for the different feelings you could have in that moment, for the support person or for the one going through it, right? Because let's just use my mom for an example. My mom is the cook, she's getting everything ready. She starts the night before Thanksgiving to start with some of the desserts, to really start prepping, and then she's cooking all day long the day of Thanksgiving. Her stress level is up to here, all the way up to her head, right? Until she can finally sit and have dinner, then it all melts away. If I ask her three questions in a row because we know me, I can't just ask one question, she's gonna get triggered because she's gonna be overstimulated. So I need to understand that from her if I'm the identified patient, just like she needs to understand from me that I'm having a really hard time being in this vicinity. So it's when you have a very strong communication and you can have that really good volley back and forth of this isn't you have your stuff, I have my stuff, but we have our codes to understand how to support one another or give a TV time out and separate is always a really good thing.

SPEAKER_00:

So going off of that then, right? Because I think that's super helpful to be able to identify, like, I'm emotionally full, today's not the day, and I just have to get this out of my brain before I forget it, too. The fact that you said blueberry crumble is cracking me up, feels like a weird algorithm kind of moment. You know, when you think something and then all of a sudden, like you see it on Instagram and you're like, that's weird. How did that? I'm making literally like these blueberry crumble bars later. And so the fact that out of anything in the entire world you could have chosen, you chose that. I'm like, huh, I don't even think I told you that. But yeah, well, there we go. That's just our love right there, Maggie. Right there. I just knew yeah, mind reading happening over here. Okay, all right. Back back to what I was I was getting to though. I was like, I have to point that out because it was cracking me up. That's so funny. Okay, so if I love the idea of being able to have a code word like now is not the time. So when is the time? Do you recommend that people almost like schedule time to check in, or is it less formal than that?

SPEAKER_01:

I like to ask the client of what they prefer, and even to give the client the recognition of whatever you identify now doesn't have to be what happens on that day. Like right now, you might say, yes, please go ahead and check in any moment that you want to. That's comfortable for me. The day of their anxiety might be really high. And if random check-ins are going to make them uncomfortable, tell your support person, you know what, please don't check in with me. Like I will come to you, or hey, can you check in on me in like 10 minutes or like once every however often, because doing it randomly is going to make me more anxious. So you can choose what is best. I think one piece that is important and can be very hard for clients, and this might be a hot take, is that it's also on the client to ask for help. And the reason why I say maybe that's a hot take is because, and I'm listen, I'm a culprit of it. We want people to be mind readers so we don't have to be vulnerable and explain to somebody like, hey, I need you to tap in. Can you come here? And sometimes we might be waiting and anticipating of, all right, well, no one's checked in on me yet. Why hasn't anyone checked in on me? Like, am I the problem? Am I asking for too much? Am I now a burden? Right. Because then that narrative pops into their head of nobody's checked in with me. So I have to be the problem and I'm not good enough for that. And so during this time period, it's also really important for the client to even start practicing. I am important and I can take up space. And so I will say to somebody, hey, can we talk? Or I will say to somebody, you know, hey, can you check in on me in 10 minutes? Can you help me with this? Can you help me with that or whatever have you? Because everybody is chaotic on that day. That does not mean that they forgot about you. That does not mean that they don't care about you. That does not mean that they think something is more important than you. It just means that everybody is human celebrating a holiday and everyone's trying to navigate the day. So if you need something that day, yes, have the conversation prior to those identified needs and boundaries and be vocal and vulnerable. Might have been a hot take.

SPEAKER_00:

I think it's a fair take. And I think too, I appreciate you kind of, you know, vocalizing like the stream of consciousness, like the stream of thoughts that are coming through. Because I also think too, it's helping, I hope hopefully helping people listening. It's definitely helping me see how layered all of this is. And again, right, the what you said versus what I heard, like what that person heard, or in a sense, in that example, didn't hear is you know, is so is so real for them and is so overwhelming and is leading to kind of all of these different conclusions. And like we've talked about with holidays so far, holiday days are really hard to be present for a lot of reasons. And now there's this thought spiral going on in your head that feels like it's constantly turning. Yeah, the last thing that somebody could do in that moment is be present and be having like this great holiday experience. That's that's incredibly hard.

SPEAKER_01:

So difficult. And that's why it's important to have almost like that relapse prevention plan in place. And it's not a relapse prevention in the sense of like a full-blown relapse, but maybe how I like to call it, it's like the cha cha slide, where you know you might slide to the left or you slide to the right because you might be engaging in some behavior, because in that moment it feels like the only thing you can grab onto. So it's not a relapse, it's just a little slide to the left or right. And it's important just to recognize that if you have a plan in place to remind yourself of all the things that you have, all the skills that you have, and what you don't need to do, it also is very helpful when that emotional and verbal spiral like taps in.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, I think it it sounds like it all kind of stems from that communication piece. Would you say you feel like there's other themes besides communication that you feel play a really big role?

SPEAKER_01:

In having like a successful holiday?

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

That's a really, really good question, Maggie. Ooh, stump me. I feel like just the desire for connection is a big thing that I see. Or I know last year something that I noticed was people feeling like they had more goals going into the holiday. I felt like a lot of my clients were a lot more goal focused. And I think with the communication piece, that kind of ties into it of like the support people knew what the goals were. So it was easy to have support for that.

SPEAKER_00:

I think the connection is a really important one because even tying it back into everything you just shared with when to communicate, how to communicate, what to communicate, like that could all be summarized by there's a disconnect here. Like somebody is trying to have a conversation when somebody, you know, isn't in a space to have that conversation, or somebody isn't in a space to hear that topic of conversation in this moment. So I feel like the disconnect makes a lot of sense and does kind of tie everything in. And again, brings us to the point of when it feels like there's such a disconnect because we want to be connected to other people. Like that's such an important piece of living, number one, but it's such an important piece, especially when we think about holidays and like spending time with other people. And it's such a terrible feeling to leave, you know, a time with somebody else, especially a holiday day and feel disconnected. And then I think again, there comes in that overthinking spiral of like, well, what did I do wrong? Why am I leaving it so disconnected?

SPEAKER_01:

100%. Because it sucks to feel alone in a room full of people. And for a lot of our clients, that happens. And it's a normal, like I have friends and family that can feel that, right? So it's not just those struggling with an eating disorder that has that experience. So just in general, that experience doesn't feel nice, right? And so I think figuring out how the client can allow themselves to seek that connection or how even, you know, it's a family member coming over and just rubbing, you know, the client's back or tapping them on the shoulder or being or just giving them a smile, that can be a form of connection. And I think, but to you know, the you know, point of this conversation, communication is just key. Because I feel like those are other supportive ways that I would want a client to identify what's going to help you feel present during the holiday. And for them to be able to identify connection. This is how I can feel better. Like if you see me zoning out, this is what you can do. So it's not even a like check-in, but like a connection, that's also really crucial. So I feel like communication is definitely like the biggest thing, but then it's communicating about how to help me, how to make me feel connected, how to support me. Like it's different themes within the communication.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And I think with connection, that loops in the food part too, because food can be connecting, and food can make us feel incredibly disconnected from other people. And, you know, for somebody who's working on their relationship with food, it is so challenging to have people around them who, you know, are exhibiting signs of an unhealthy relationship with food, or you know, we've talked a lot about comments, but like are making, you know, food comments. And so I also think with this, there's that connection piece. And, you know, oftentimes when I get asked, like, well, how do I support my loved one, whether it's a holiday, a vacation, you know, an event, whatever it is, or even the day-to-day, like sometimes it's as simple as like sitting with that person, you know, while they're eating, like bringing more of that connection into eating and you know, even modeling a healthy relationship with food. So that way it does feel like there's connection there and it doesn't make that person feel like I'm the only person, you know, in the room here who's like trying to have this relationship with food, trying to have dessert, you know, trying to have seconds, whatever it is. Yeah. So that way there is that element of like connectedness that comes into it.

SPEAKER_01:

When it comes to the food piece in like the holidays, connection, communication, you know, with the theme of today's episode. And one thing you just said too is like that healthy modeling a healthy relationship with food. What is something you will help clients with to for themselves to be like, okay, how do I have this healthy relationship with food at the table? Like, what is the conversation you have with them? Or even, because I know this happens. What if the client doesn't see one person with a healthy relationship with food at the table? Like, what is that conversation that, as the dietitian, what are the tips and tricks like you're giving them and things like that for them to feel confident there?

SPEAKER_00:

I think there's a couple pieces of it. So I think one piece of it that's important too is everybody has individual nutrition needs. And so we can have a connected, you know, relationship with well, I shouldn't say more like we could have a connected meal, I guess is what I'm really trying to say. Even if people's plates do look different, people's plates may look different, and that's okay. And that that can be a really hard pill to swallow to start with, right? But I also think that's an important piece of it too, of recognizing, you know, there are ways where we can sit together, we can have good conversation, we can, you know, not be so overly focused on the food, and our plates might still look different, you know, from each other because we don't know what other people, you know, what their kind of parameters around nutrition might be pending their own health and things that they have going on. So, like also like not forming assumptions is I think a really big piece of it too. And then I would say, you know, because hey, that's a really real feeling of being like, okay, I feel like I'm, you know, the only one in this room who, you know, is trying to have this healthy relationship with food and not engage in diet culture. And that feels really isolating and disconnected too. And, you know, as a dietitian, I always think like, even if I'm not in that room with that person, we can still plan for that. We can still process it after. And, you know, obviously the ultimate goal is for clients to have unconditional permission when it comes to food. But we live in a very conditionally permissive society. And so oftentimes those conditions start to come in for somebody. Well, I'm not gonna be the only one to have dessert, I'll have dessert. If they have dessert, or I'm going to see what they order at the restaurant first. And if they order, you know, this, then I'm going to order that. Like there's all of these rules that come into it. And with the ultimate goal being that like clients give themselves unconditional permission, sometimes that starts with me. I can give you unconditional permission to start. Not that we want that to be the end goal, but we can use that as a good starting place. And once they start to practice, oh, this is what it feels like to eat without rules. This is what it feels like to have a flexible, you know, balanced, varied relationship with food, then that permission piece for them starts to get stronger. And they can start to do that without me, right? It's the same thing I was talking about in the episode of like prescriptiveness versus intuition. Sometimes prescriptiveness from me is hey, you can have that. You can have dessert even if nobody else is. You can order what you want to have. And us explaining, like you said, the rationale, the science, all of that behind it. So that way clients are leaving feeling empowered. Like I can take that information and be practical with it and put it into my real life. And then that ultimate goal of, okay, now they have that unconditional permission. And I get to take a step back and like watch that intuition flourish.

SPEAKER_01:

You said permission, and it was so funny because as you were talking, I was like, oh my God, she's talking about permission again. And then as I was thinking that, you were like, they have permission to do it. I was like, we're just so on it today. I love it so much. And I think, you know, that's probably a great way to also identify like another common theme that we see is that clients and such a hard emotional, but also difficult food day. And when the two of them come together, it's exacerbated. They need permission. And sometimes our clients cannot give it to themselves. So I love that you also brought that up because I think some people might be like, What do you mean you need permission? Just like eat something. And it's not that easy because obviously, if it was, they would do it. Like, hello. But so I think being able to even hear that from your dietitian, especially since you are the food guru and you are the person that's literally talking to them about the food piece, you then saying, yeah, go ahead and eat it. Or like, yes, you can do this, yes, you can do that, yes, these are the timings that you can do for today. Yes, this is when you know this schedule looks great to eat, and these components look phenomenal. And yes, we can plan and we can do this. You being the person that knows how to handle the thing that they are most afraid of with such TLC and unconditional love. I also can't imagine the power that gives clients.

SPEAKER_00:

And I think, too, there's an opportunity here for support people to be in that similar role. Not to the same extent, right? Like I always say, I want to be the dietitian. I don't want anybody else to be the dietitian, just like I want you to be the therapist. But there are ways though where support people can take some of that information and, you know, and be that person, especially in the moment, right? Because a lot of what we do is the before and the after, not during. So we need those support people during. Like when that hesitation comes in, like you see the person wanting to reach for dessert and you kind of see them pull back. Like, I want support people to feel empowered, feel like you know, they have some tools in their own toolbox to say, okay, this is what I'm gonna say in this moment, or this is how I'm going to, you know, jump in and provide comfort, provide support, whatever it might be. And as a support person, you don't always have to know the right thing to say. I think that's really important too. And I find this comes up all the time of, you know, parents, guardians, whoever it might be, coming to me and saying, like, I don't know what to say in those moments. I'm like, that's okay. No one is expecting you to know the most perfect thing to say. I mean, we've been in this field for so long. I don't know the most perfect thing to say in every situation.

SPEAKER_01:

I've definitely said things I probably shouldn't have said in situations. Like, it happens.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, like we're all human. Providers are human too. Like we're all we're all human, we're all growing. You don't need to know the perfect thing to say in that moment. Sometimes it is just being there, having the connection. Sometimes it is even being vulnerable and vocalized and saying, I don't exactly know what you need right now, but I'm just gonna be here with you. Or, hey, why don't you bring that to Maggie? Why don't you bring that to Jess? And like we can talk about this. Like, we don't also have to have like the perfect thing in every situation. There is no perfect, but just being there, being connected, opening the door. I mean, that I think summarizes like what it means to be a support person.

SPEAKER_01:

That was beautiful because I was so on point. Because accurate, so many people feel, and I think that's another, I don't know if you, I mean, it sounds like yes, you do, but that's definitely a conversation that parents will or topic parents will bring up just to be like, well, what if I say the wrong thing? Or, you know, if they're saying, I mean, everything you said, I was just gonna reiterate and I don't have to do that. But you know, it's do not have to repeat all over again.

unknown:

I don't mind water.

SPEAKER_00:

Perfect time to take a sip of water.

SPEAKER_01:

Gosh darn. But it's it is, it's very hard. And we have those conversations with parents, and it's also to have the conversation with the client because sometimes the clients, and I say this so lovingly, sometimes we want someone to say what we have in our head, right? And that again goes to the fortune telling. People can't read our minds. If I could, that would be my superpower, without a doubt. And but it's just not realistic, right? And so it's also giving parents and support systems permission and grace for not having the best thing to say sometimes, while also giving the client permission and grace and acceptance of what is the supports person going to say. Obviously, there are really bad things that you could say that like you probably shouldn't in these moments, which is part of the conversation, right? Like if I'm feeling bad about my body, let's not talk about diets. Let's not talk about what to eat, what not to eat. Let's not talk about, oh, why do you feel bad? You should see me, or oh, you should see this person, right? Like the comparison game. Like, there are definitely things not to say. However, if a family member is just being genuine, they're like, listen, you're doing great, whatever. And a client is like, I didn't need you to tell me I'm great. I need you to tell me you love me. Okay. Commune once again, communicate that, right? Because everyone's just trying to do their best. And sometimes it might feel short, but it's still your best.

SPEAKER_00:

And I feel like that's all we could hope for is that we are, you know, everybody's trying to do their best, whatever their best looks look like. And, you know, we all have the same goal of wanting to have these really wonderful, relaxing holiday days. And if that's the focus, then, you know, we can always work on it and learn more when it comes to communication and connection, all the things that we talked about. But just remembering that everybody, you know, has the same goal and wants to be happy and healthy and have these, you know, these great days together.

SPEAKER_01:

A hundred percent. And I think that's, you know, what's so exciting as like a therapist and as providers is that after the holiday, we can then reflect on it and allow clients to see where they had their successes that maybe they didn't have last year. Because obviously it's really hard in the moment, you feel so happy or defeated or confused that you can't, like you said last week, zoom in, zoom out. So you might be so zoomed in you can't see what was different and where the successes were. So it's always just allowing yourself, like you said, to do your best wherever that may lie on the scale and just being happy about it and enjoying the holidays.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and for any support people, we are happy to do more episodes that are really highlighting kind of the the how-to when it comes to being a support person. And so please feel free to reach out to us with any questions, thoughts, topic ideas. And we will catch you here next week.

SPEAKER_01:

Thanks, guys. Happy holiday season. Bye. Bye. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Nourish and Empower Podcast.

SPEAKER_00:

We hope this episode helped you redefine, reclaim, and restore what health means to you.

SPEAKER_01:

If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe, leave a rating, and comment and share with anyone else you may feel will benefit.